B Exquisite for Men
Bijan (2009)

What should a fragrance smell like when it comes out of an elongated cartoon pear wearing African neck rings for a cap, topped with a lower case 'b' like a cartoon thumbs-up? Burnt vanilla and licorice, apparently. This starts off with a severely boozy, Ouzo-like blast, which starts off sweet and sort of fresh, though a little inauthentic. But once the leather and woods start creeping up from the base it's like a science class volcano - this scent doesn't dwindle like scents are supposed to; it gets louder. What ensues is an unwearable onslaught of masculine tropes gushing out like foam escaping a beaker. The thing is, if this were to be remade with better quality ingredients it would probably be fine, but B*Exquisite is as cheap as it is loud and harsh. I think it smells decent but this stuff most definitely offends people. I'm talking chemical weapons-grade stuff here, and with a serious identity crisis. Frankenstein's Monster's night out.

Addition: I am more and more inclined to believe that the brief for this fragrance was to make a brighter, Oriental version of Salvador Dali Pour Homme. The structure is intensely similar, but the proportions have been changed, like dialing up or down the frequencies on an equalizer. Make the vanilla and anise louder! Put a limiter on the patchouli! We'll fix it in Post.