Black Walnut Legend
Banana Republic

The Legend of Black Walnut

'Twas a fragrance in a mall
The smell of it, I do recall
Somewhat faint, and well-disguised
Yet it had me mesmerized

The name, "Black Walnut", never fit
For 'twasn't 'tall the smell of it
Nor the notes displayed in store
Cognac, cedar, even more

Fine tobacco, hinted strong
Barely there, if searched for long
No, instead, some plywood clear
Homeopathetic near

Yet I fell in love with same
Fragrance sounding oh so lame
For some brilliant spark beheld
In said synthy solvent weld

Minor fake tobacco note
Wood that wouldn't ever float
Some persistent vapor of
Booze too pure for vodka love

Eau, my God, and yet it sings
To this nose that trouble brings
Always looking for one more
Fragrant folly still in store

Later, on some fragrant board
Where said fragrance was ignored
Met a guy named Mike Perez
Cursed to have my lost twin nez

"Solid mall frag" said good Mike
Thus to praise my errant like
Armed with said authority
Sing its praises, oh, did we

Hanging onto bottle long
Early batch one might call "strong"
Fourteen year-old vintage sat
Purring like transparent cat

Enter older boy named Red
Not by wile or virus dead
Acolyte of lesser gods
Skating past angelic mods

Sneaking sniffs, his wasted life
'Hind the back of his good wife
Into Marshall's, what to see?
Eau Black Walnut, is that thee?

Wait - egads - it's something new!
Flanker "Legend", number two!
Quickly to Directory
Will this one appeal to me?

No reviews! What is this thing
That the clearance truck did bring?
Notes aplenty, Judith, Furry
Took away my greatest worry

Bergamot and pepper black
Manliness this would not lack
Kumquat listed, say no more
Both of them, I do adore!

Heart notes of geranium
Terre d'Hermès' uranium
Incense, yes, and cyclamen
Makes me sneeze, but love it then!

Leather, musk, patchouli base
Pulchritude in proper place
What was in this not to love
Save some hellish mixture of?

Then to good friend video
Trusted voices that we know
Brooklyn Fragrance Happy Nose
Redolessence, fragrant bros

Two thumbs up, for sneaker clone
Claimant to Aventus' throne!
BR stealing Zara's schtick
Flanker cranker pretty pick

Compliment from Reddie's spouse
Red's excuse to bring in house
Then confirmed by second vid
Russell Clone, The Fragrant Kid

Back to Marshall's, make the buy
Is there any question why?
Get it home and sniff it real
Legend born with broken seal.

**********

Mount Eaulympus, godly home
Zeus as Vintage Tabarôme
Brought before him, baby frag
Fathers three, accused by nag

"They all did it, yes they did!"
Said she, pointing at the kid
"This can't be" said good old Zeus
"Two of them must be set loose!"

"Wait!" said god of aqua boys
Nepty, Posey, some such noise
"Bring them forth from fragrant brig
Then bring man with nose of pig!"

Thus I entered this affair
With my one and only flair
Sniffing out the rascals that
Grab their pants and leave their hat

First I smelled Aventus Creed
Surely 'twas behind this deed
Everything the vid boys said
Kidly fragly ringer dead

Rather genius, though this plot
Of this child that Creed begot
Kumquat in some woody way
Paired with musks that last all day

Leather standing in for birch
Same-same thing from man-pig's perch
Smoke all gone just like they said
Still Aventus' style to Red

But Red sniffed at one more gent
Demigod, or some such bent
By the name of Beckham Homme
Oft accused of eyes on Rome

Said to be a friend of Terre
Due to pencilwoody flair
Still a suspect long by Red
Of Aventus games in bed

Now, in infant's peppered hair
Red saw Beckham standing there
"Szechuan, Peshuan, type be damned
Pepper Papa, we've been scammed!"

Pepper-woody truth thus told
Beckham's wood confirmed the scold
Doubly fathered mystery
"Wait!" yelled Red "I'll make it three!"

Shaking finger at the third
Who let loose a peaceful bird
Red proclaimed defiantly
"Old Mall Rat, I accuse thee!"

Yes, the old cheapskate himself
BR Walnut, on the shelf
Playing like it weren't his kid
Though we all know what he did

Obvious by slacker style
'Nana 'Public clean-up aisle
Looking for an easy check
Weakly woody mall frag dreck

"You're not getting out of this,
Wood-box papa, weak as piss
Own up to your precious kin
That the true Zeus let you in."

"What the heck" said Harry's work
Standing 'fore accusing jerk
"Hidden 'hind these better styles
Find my Mall King fashion wiles!"

"Notice how the kid's all calm?
Didn't get that from his mom.
Nor the booze you smell behind
Ventie's fruity musky kind."

"Best of all, my easy wood
Newer, nower, just as good.
Add my woody pepper spice
Not tobacco, just as nice."

"Now you see me, now you don't
Catch me if you try, you won't
But I'll stop with daddy coy
So my name stays on the boy."

"Almost cucked you all with that
Saddling Ventie with me brat
But my boy's too good for you
He'll be mine - I'll raise him true!"

Thus the three began to fight
Red ran out into the night.
Zeus dropped down a thunderbolt
Scaring every stoogey dolt.

"Hear me out, you fathers three
Raise this boy as best you see
Don't come back to this here court
'Til you bring Black Walnut Sport!"

Black Walnut Legend is an Aventus clone with a soapy-bergamot sweetness that takes the place of the elusive pineapple from the original Creed. The leather-smokiness is there but on the lighter side. This is probably middle-of-the-road as far as Aventus clones go.

I purchased this thinking it was the original Black Walnut (which I've never smelled). Much to my disappointment, I discovered this is another spin on Aventus. And I'm not interested in Aventus.

So, if Aventus is your thing, you may dig this. The usual suspects are present here, and it certainly doesn't smell cheap. The big difference here is the “black walnut”. Which I would almost take to mean “dead” or at least past its prime. This has a very dusty, musty nutty thing going on that is just there the whole time, intermingling with the fruit and mild smoke. This musty smell (minus the nutty) must be part of some common synthetic, because I've picked up traces of it in other things (for example Riviera by English Laundry). Point is, I don't like this musty thing, and it's prominent here. Combined with an analogue of Aventus, I'm out.

Like most BR frags, projection and sillage are average. I doubt even a liberal application of this will last 6 hours. Probably less.

YMMV. The price is right in the rack stores. TJ Maxx was nice enough to take it back, even though that's against their policy (in my store at least).