Coffee & Whiskey
Bath & Body Works (2022)

On the night of Halloween

Coffee & Whiskey
Fortified our very souls
Perhaps brazenly

As we set out for
Experience beyond the
Mountains of Mugler.

Twixt Mounts Maltz and Joe
Pure as the driven maltol
We steered our old yet

Faithful fragmobile
Gleefully unaware of
Olfactive dangers

T'word the lands of the
Blue Smoke civilization
Lost back in time and

Beyond those mountains.
Our guide was an old woman
Of a Blue Stone tribe

Not unlike the one
Who made our silver compass
Which has kept us safe

From those star-headed
Mysterians mentioned by
Professor Lovecraft.

From our encampment
High in the altiplano
We departed for

Rumored ruins of
Ancient civilizations
But without our guide

Who refused to leave
Her seat by the coffee tent
While imploring me

To put on her ring
Depicting the Bear Spirit
That I might have strength

And she too some cash
Credit cards not accepted
My wife got one, too

Thusly protected
And filled with hot chocolate
(Sweet yet rich and dark)

We left in good cheer
Despite our guide's reluctance
To join in our quest.

The long, bumpy ride
Through valleys and high passes
Was hard on my friends

Who I then treated
To a taste of my famous
Medical coffee.

I am not afraid
To scandalously admit
That while my colleagues

Swear by its effects
It is in fact the odor
That is to say its

Pleasing aroma
Which secures such accolades
Since any actions

Are in fact merely
Those expected for caffeine
Spiked with ethanol.

The secret of my
Concoction extr'ordinaire
Lies in what are called

By my old colleague
Doctor Prefumistico
The "woody ambers"

Which he discovered
In the Antarctic ruins
And then perfected

Through government grants.
Let me cite this letter from
Prefumistico:

Inflations, like smaller forms of history, don't repeat, but they do rhyme.  Biological and cultural inflations are no exceptions.  Thus, what we call fragrance mattered to the Antarctic civilization, but not as it matters to us.  Where they found and why they valued hydroxycarbons of the ambergris type is uncertain, and the idea that they had cetiform creatures producing ambrein on their origin planets is only "rhyme-level" likely.

No matter why, it became apparent to those of us working in the ruins, that enclosed spaces smelled far too pleasant.  At first this oddity was attributed to chance, but soon enough we discovered increasingly powerful concentrations of the responsible substances.  Eventually, we found preserved cannisters of the mixtures under inert gases.  Analysis showed the same rhyme level as their proteins and nucleic acids.

Feeding these results back into public science, resulted in a boom in Western chemistry and perfumery, as desired.  Most scientists now consider these substances to be synthetic in nature, but for all we know at the moment, they were at one time somebody else's whale's excretions.  The tears over what is natural or synthetic become somewhat lost in the rain of increasing knowledge, I'm afraid.  Is Earth's agriculture, source of modern naturals, even natural?  Those seeking to ban it apparently don't think so.

Perhaps I am jaded by my work here, even if it feels like I am enlightened.  If so, please forgive these thoughts.

The accompanying package contains a mixture which is exemplary of the odor compositions that we found.  It is in fact the strongest of four related ones.  The odor bears an uncanny resemblance to coffee, whiskey, ambergris, and toasted pastries, yet is exactly like none of the above.  The power and persistence of the mixture is remarkable, and explanatory of why it remained in the ruins.  That this odor is addictive to humans is even more remarkable.

We have taken to seasoning our food and drink with this particular composition, creating a kind of whiskey from the laboratory ethanol we had previously drunk like vodka.  Likewise, our poor coffee is improved immensely by this substance.  Only the tiniest amount is necessary - you now possess a lifetime supply.

Take care, old friend.  Enjoy what you can, while you can.  The next verse is always coming.

And indeed it is
For that is the story of
Twenty-one kivas.

Wonderful fall/winter fragrance from Bath & Body Works. Has a strong, but smooth and rich coffee note. Touches of vanilla, hazel. But there's also fizzy undertones of whiskey and cola. It just smells delicious. I appreciate a rich cup of coffee, so this is one of those fragrances that makes me want to drink the bottle when I spray it. It smells a bit reminiscent of "Bourbon Vanilla" by Cremo, which is unsurprising given the notes. But where that fragrance is a little rough and unrefined, this is much smoother and more refined.

Performance is pretty good on my skin, seems to last through the day. This is marketed as part of Bath & Body Works' men's collection, but the scent is really unisex, I can see it smelling good on women. Definitely recommended.